Haphephobia
by Gemini Artemis
Summary: Peridot never liked touching or being touched, until she met Steven.
**A/N:** This is a Peridot-centric companion piece to my fic "Deep in Space", but you don't need to read that one to read this. Enjoy!

* * *

 **TOUCH**

Peridot had always disliked touching and being touched. Fortunately, it wasn't an issue most of the time. With her limb enhancers on, she couldn't even actually touch anyone, and they also partially protected her from other Gems' touches.

Not that touching was a common thing for Peridots, thankfully. Most of her time was spent in solitude, working on and with machines. Back on Homeworld, she would sometimes catch sight of some Rubies or Amethysts slapping each other around for fun. Soldiers were so weird.

That changed when Peridot came to Earth, lost her limb enhancers, and eventually got to know Steven better. The hybrid was _very_ touchy-feely, perhaps due to the fact that he was half-Quartz. He was always touching her, embracing her affectionately, holding her hand.

His innocent touches felt strange at first. Thanks to her limb enhancers, she hadn't had to touch anyone for many, many centuries. She had almost forgotten what touching and being touched felt like.

He was warm, in a way no Gem had ever felt, probably because he was organic. He was also very strong—he had managed to open that panel in Kindergarten Facet 5 effortlessly—and he always spoke kindly to her, even when she had insulted and almost killed him.

He was small like her and not nearly as tough and powerful as a full Quartz, but he was sturdy and much stronger than Peridot. His presence was oddly comforting. Peridot felt safe with him.

When she was scared, she would instinctively reach out for Steven and cling to him, hiding behind him with the hope that he would be able to save her, at least with his shield or his bubble.

It took her longer to get used to it with the other Gems. It wasn't easy to forget that they had spent weeks chasing her around the planet, until they had eventually caught her and destroyed her physical form. Garnet had sneaked up on her from behind and crushed her to death. The memory still haunted her sometimes.

At least Steven had never tried to hurt her. Even when he believed she was planning on betraying the Crystal Gems and tried to stop her from contacting Yellow Diamond, he never tried to hurt her at all. On the moon base, he was the one who had pleaded for Garnet not to break her.

Garnet had always terrified her. A brute. A filthy war machine. That was how Peridot had seen her back then. Her weapons were her own hands. She was made for hurting others.

Probably the first time Garnet touched her without ill intent was during their failed attempt at fusion. Garnet's touch was firm, confident, but at the same time gentle and careful.

It wasn't enough for Peridot. It didn't feel safe enough even to dance with her, let alone complete the fusion. Peridot was still intimidated by her.

Garnet seemed to pick up on this somewhat. She didn't hold back from touching Peridot, but she avoided sneaking up on her. She decided to take it slow, starting with a light hand on the shoulder. A subtle gesture of comfort and support. Eventually, it evolved into an arm around Peridot's shoulders. Also comforting and supportive, not to mention protective. In close proximity, Peridot could feel that Garnet was a little warm as well, just not as much as Steven.

Garnet's slow approach culminated when Peridot was in the middle of a breakdown, after insulting Yellow Diamond to her face. Garnet touched her shoulder then, telling her to calm down.

The sudden contact was enough to give Peridot pause and momentarily snap out of her deranged tirade. Peridot's breath caught in her throat, but it wasn't so bad. She took a deep breath and just said, "Okay."

And she actually calmed down significantly! She barely even noticed when Garnet picked her up in her arms and carried her outside.

Even though she had always abhorred touching and being touched, Steven and Garnet actually made her feel safer with their touches. She even found herself craving it. How ironic, she thought, that the same hands that had brutally squeezed her to death could now hold her so soothingly, so warmly, and made her feel safe even from Homeworld's forces.

If only she could work up the courage to actively seek them out... without being under the influence of a threatening or traumatic situation.

She would sometimes watch as Pearl hugged Steven, or as Steven cuddled that pink beast that could warp to the moon, and wish it was as easy and painless for her as it was for them.

Lost in her thoughts, she didn't even realize that the pink creature called Lion had just approached her and was staring at her with blank, unblinking eyes. Peridot's whole body stiffened and she looked around, moving as little as possible, to see if anyone else was present. The Lion had never appeared aggressive before, but nor had it ever been left alone with Peridot.

What if it didn't like her and attacked her? There was no Steven to hold him back, no Crystal Gems to jump to her rescue, and Peridot would be completely helpless in a fight without her limb enhancers or her Peribot.

Lion blinked at her, and then it... bumped its forehead against her. With its sheer size and strength compared to Peridot's tiny form, she almost toppled over.

Her hands instinctively held on to its mane so she wouldn't fall, and when her fingers brushed against the soft fur, Peridot thought it actually felt kind of nice. Like rain, just not wet.

She had worn her limb enhancers for so long that even touching things was almost too much sometimes. Even when they felt so good.

As she continued to brush Lion's mane, deep in thought and in wonder at the sensation that she had failed to fully process back on their way to the moon base, Lion settled down next to her. Peridot wondered if Amethyst's hair was this soft and nice, too.

Maybe, just maybe, she could even learn to like touching on the planet Earth.

 **THE END**


End file.
